10-22-07 -- "PLAYING THE CLOWN"
Today, we read from Courage to Change. I haven't been to a meeting for more than a week since I've been in Australia and New Zealand. I got back this afternoon after a 24-hour journey and checked out today's reading.
"I concealed my real feelings by telling funny stories about myself and the alcoholic, because I didn't trust anybody enough to let them see my struggle and my pain....Only when I was able to stop playing the clown and admit my shortcomings did I begin to enjoy the spiritual growth promised in the Twelve Steps." -- P. 296* Al-Anon Family Groups
I've begun to enjoy the spiritual growth promised in the Twelve Steps - but I am still a clown. Sometimes I like being a clown; I amuse myself as much as anyone else. Yet it also takes away respect -- self-respect and the respect of others. There's a balance there I haven't yet achieved. There's something sacrificial about being a clown -- but something cathartic as well.
